y ogb milan 2007 page 1

Let's face it, I've never had much luck flying with Ryanair, every landing I've had with them so far has been................Well let's put it this way, I've had softer landings falling out of trees when I was a kid! This thought occurs to me while were doing the usual Ryanair "Barnes Wallace Bomb" landing in Italy. They don't so much "touch down" as slam the thing into the runway, it can't get much worse than this surely! Oh no? Read on......

We're on our way home, we've finally cleared the abomination that calls itself Bergamo Airport, and made it on to the bus that'll take us out over the airfield to our waiting plane. The bus is so packed that we get split up and I find myself on the plane and grabbing a window seat on my own, but I'm perfectly happy here.........That is until Mr & Mrs Gobshite get on and choose me to come and sit next to. They're apparently having a "Domestic" and God only knows how they were let on the plane in the first place because they've both been at the bottle for at least 3 days solid by the looks of it. She sits next to me and she stinks, her breath would make a marsh swamp seem like a dab of CK1 - she honks of booze and stale garlic, with a slight undertone of wee - nice!

They carry on with their slanging match for at least half an hour into the flight and I'm getting sick of them, so I stuff my ear plugs in. Mrs Gobshite then shuts up for a few minutes - long enough to order a double gin, which she knocks back in one. A few minutes later she keels over and falls asleep - mercifully with her foul smelling gob facing Mr Gobshite who apparently has no sense of smell.

Now I can relax and have a snooze in peace. I'm just dozing off when something not very savoury begins to penetrate my sensitive nostrils, I give a little sniff to make sure that my suspicions are right - and Yep! Sure enough Mrs Gobshite has dropped one - with her arse facing in my direction, it's feckin' horrible............I'm considering taking my earplugs out and shoving them up my nose, but people may think I'm a bit odd with two slime green protrusions sticking out of my hooter.................

We've landed at Bergamo Airport which is about an hour from Milan so we have to get a bus from here to the city centre and from there a tube train to our hotel. At around 10 pm we land at the "Art Navigli Hotel" which is situated in the picturesque Naviglio area of the city. The hotel is a pleasant surprise - all 4 stars of it, but for the moment we need beer so we head off to a small bar opposite.

There are 4 of us along for this little trip to Milan, Dez, Howard, Steve and Myself. Wesley had to pull out at the last minute due to a few family things. The main purpose of the trip is to spend a day at the Italian International Bike Show, for which we've managed to get free foreign trade visitor passes.

Back at the bar, we get off to a bad start when Steve decides to help himself to some bar snacks that he guesses have been left out for the punters. He's just tucking into a nice bit of Stilton and describing to us how lovely it is when the barman comes over and tells him off - " Heya youa, thatsa somebody'za meala you areata" ............. He's only eating some poor bugger's dinner who's just gone for a wee. He wasn't very popular! A few beers then off to bed, early start tomorrow.

Getting to the vast exhibition halls at Rho Fiera is a breeze, the underground system in Milan is superbly efficient - and cheap. A ten minute walk from the hotel to the station, then half an hour later we're outside the Bike Show halls, and it has to be said - this place is enormous. Anyway enough of my rabbiting - here are some photos........